This morning I made a huge change in my life, effectually ending a lifestyle of a dozen years. It might sound like I'm being melodramatic, but in absolute truth, this is HUGE for me.
I quit my job. I haven't NOT worked since my college graduation, and of course, I was working long before then, from the age of 17 (and even before that, I filled up summers and weekends with babysitting). But I have worked professionally for 12 years, with only a brief interim here and there taken between finishing employment somewhere and beginning somewhere else.
Today marks the end of that. I've quit a job with absolutely no intention to seek employment anywhere else for quite some time -- if ever again. It is a fulfillment of a lifelong dream to become a full-time stay-at-home mom to my kids, in addition to being a full-time wife and homemaker. However, it is not without fear and trepidation that I enter this stage! First, there's the obvious: the end of my paycheck. And I was awfully proud of that paycheck -- I worked HARD to get to this place in my career and it's not easy to walk away! With that also comes an absolute dependence on my husband, and thank God he is who he is (and not the person I used to be married to; that is not a gripe, it is sincere gratitude) because he takes his obligations toward his family very seriously and even worries about it more than I'd like for him to.
Second, and most importantly, this is unchartered territory for me. I mean, give me a nastily written journal article and I can make it shine like the top of the Chrysler building. I'm used to this, used to emails and meetings and schedules and editing, editing, editing. Yes, I've done it in my pajamas for the last 2 years, but I've learned that the world of working is the same no matter where you log in (and in what state of dress!). Because of this responsibility, though, other things in my life will get the shaft and I often don't feel guilty about it. So the dusting didn't get done -- oh well, I worked 40 hours this week! With the job, though, go the excuses. And that's what I'm afraid of...I almost feel that if I don't present Marty with a perfectly clean house and perfectly behaved children and perfectly coiffed hair at the end of the day that I should get fired!
However, this is not the attitude with which I want to enter this new period of life. I want to cast off the perfectionist tendencies and ridiculous self-expectations and truly embrace this as the greatest adventure yet. I want to wear aprons! I want to explore the produce section and not stick to bagged lettuce and bunches of bananas! I want to cook with things like couscous! I want to wear mascara every day! I want to take Will to the puppet show at the library! I want to know where to find the bandaids in my house! I want to sing A-B-C's with Will while changing Lucy's diaper -- and LOVE every second of it! I want to start a weekend with clothes in drawers, not in piles on the floor! And yes -- I want to get the darn dusting done. Maybe even while wearing one of my aprons, and hey -- let's go crazy -- maybe even pearls!
So hello, new life. Hello, Domestic Bliss. I'm ready for you!