Monday, April 26, 2010

Dear J.Crew,

I was so happy at lunchtime when my Hubby dropped your April catalog onto my desk. Although I can't always afford you, you tend to at least give me great ideas to copy at Target and TJ Maxx. Sometimes I even want your things so bad I actually buy. But oh, not today.

You see, right now I' shall I put this? Pleasantly plump. Granted, I have a 2-pound baby in my belly who only promises to get bigger, but my arms and thighs (and heaven help me, even my cheeks and chin) are also growing rounder and rounder by the day, it seems. Lately I've been thinking how I want to remedy this situation come September-ish when I'm allowed to exercise again. I've been inspired by my good friends Aimee and the Shabby Princess who have become runners extraordinaire. I mean, these girls run marathons and they look GREAT (don't let them tell you different). And my friend Aimee has had 3 kids, so I know that's no excuse! Anyway, here I am, busy planning my post-baby body and thinking how I'll reward myself with some new, cute, but as always for me, classic clothes.

And was I able to find something by that description within the pages of your April catalog? NAY. Lord have mercy, J.Crew, where has your marketing department gone? Did they all go to Mexico for spring break, leaving the interns in charge? Because that's what it looks like. First of all, your model is just irritating. Not in the "I'll never be as skinny/pretty as her" way, but in the "Somebody help this poor thing get dressed" way. The lopsided bun on her head? Not cute. Not sexy, not even in a romantic rumpled way. The styling? Help us all. I know someone thinks it's just adorable to pile on 80 shirts/sweaters/belts/necklaces with shorty-shorts to create an outfit (Mary Kate Olsen?) but I promise, 99% of your shoppers gagged when they saw this. Oh, and gardening in 4-inch wedges? It's just too much nonsense, people.

All of this to say, you have not helped me along on my road to a cute post-baby body. In fact, if your catalog is any indication of what I'll be expected to wear come then, I might just stay in maternity tent-tops for the rest of my life. No thank you.

Poor show, J.Crew, poor show. Please do better next time. (You appear ready for redemption with the Perfect-Fit tees and cute rosette sandals. Keep going with ideas like this.)

(p.s. Also, please stop sending me emails promising "Free Shipping!" if I spend just a mere $150. In case you hadn't heard, our economy is in the toilet and I hesitate dropping $150 at the freaking grocery store. Please grow a brain on this point. Thanks!)


Sarah said...

Ha, ha, ha!!!! Laughing my butt off at this...

Kristen said...

Oh, many reasons I love you are right here in this post. I too am contemplating the post-baby body. All I can say is, UGH. But, now that it's official that this body will stay post-baby I have my work cut out for me. After physical therapy is over, it's walking shoes and salad for this girl! Once God blesses Marty with a Hoosier job, you can join me on my walks come Fall.

Kristen said...
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Becky said...

Kristen, I can honestly say that few things sound so good to me right now as taking a walk with you in the fall!!! (Can we stop at Starbucks afterward for a skinny latte???)


Kristen said...

Starbucks is always on the menu as far as I'm concerned. Can't you just imagine us with our walking shoes, lattes and our DAUGHTERS in strollers? It's like if I dared to have a dream so lovely I couldn't have had one that good!

Becky said...

I know! I am a huge believer that God loves to surprise us with MORE than we could ever have hoped for. In my case, Exhibit A is definitely my Marty -- I mean, good grief, he has TWO degrees in English. Sexy!!! Exhibit B, Kate and I had our sons 7 weeks apart. Exhibit C, you and I will get to raise our DAUGHTERS together. Who would have ever thought such wondrous things would happen? ONLY GOD! ;)

The Shabby Princess said...

J. Crew really pisses me off lately.

Just a sidenote.

Also, this is a long time coming, but, I'd be happy to write a "how to" or "getting started" on running for your blog. Believe it or not, I wasn't always Miss Marathoner. I was, in fact, the girl that could not run for 2 minutes. True story.

PS. Happy Mothers Days!