musings on Mother's Day

As you read the following list, please know that before my mommyhood days, I was a champion sleeper, shopper, and girlie-girl extraordinaire. I never left the house without sporting a great outfit, complete with accessories, and never saw another person without the perfect makeup, down to matching lipstick. Slush money meant trips to Macy's or TJ's, always a trip to the Starbucks drive-thru, and lots of trips to restaurants to hang with girlfriends. Free time meant shopping, reading, watching movies, and oh yes, sleeping. In my current mommyhood days, though...

• I have watched the sun come up for the last two mornings in a row, rocking my son who is ill and irritated and fussy. And that's after being up at midnight and 3 a.m., too.
• The minute I get settled in bed with my enormous pregnant belly balanced just-so on a pillow and my back in the least-painful position, my daughter starts kicking me like she's practicing some new self-defense techniques and sleep eludes me.
• My living room is never clean. There are always toys on the floor where Will drags them to and fro in his crawling adventures. If only I could bend myself down to pick them up without sending my lower back into spasms!
• I have stepped on many a toy in the middle of the night and had to squelch the urge to utter an "ouch!" because I'm carrying a (finally) sleeping baby back to his crib.
• I have had the thought many times in the past few days to be thankful that my kid is not a projectile vomiter. When he spews, at least he does so semi-neatly, right in front of him or even on the bib when we're really lucky.
• Laundry time for me means going through baby clothes with my enormous orange can of Shout, spraying various pureed food stains, spit-up and puke, and my favorites, the accidents that sometimes happen during diaper changes.
• I sometimes forget to eat, I practically live in my pajamas, and my personal bathing routine is completely random, but my son always eats on schedule, is always as clean as I can keep him, and he wears the cutest clothes I can find for him.
• When I go to TJ Maxx or Target, I no longer immediately head for my-size clothes. I go straight to the 18-months' boy clothes or the 0-9 months' girl clothes.
• I make coffee in the mornings but sometimes don't get to it until it's gone cold. I drink it anyway.
• I sit down to watch a show maybe once or twice a week. But I can sing you the themes to "Dinosaur Train," "WonderPets," and "Go, Diego, Go."
• I get so excited thinking about planning Will's first birthday party and all the birthday parties for our kids in the future. I spent my last birthday in my bed, in the miserable first trimester of pregnancy, trying to keep down a popsicle.
• Marty and I spent the first 9 months of our relationship long-distance dating, and all we did was talk, talk, talk on the phone. Now our conversations often consist of our son's diaper activities and who gave the last dose of Tylenol and when. Then exhausted silence follows. When we were alone last weekend, we couldn't shut up, we were so geeked to be able to TALK!
• I used to take time off from work to go on vacations. Now I take PTO in hourly increments here and there, to cover well-baby appointments, sick-baby appointments, prenatal appointments, ultrasound appointments, etc.
• When planning our grocery budget and list, I no longer plan for a couple nice filets or a bunch of tulips (although I must confess, those occasionally come home with me). Instead I add up how many dollars we need for diapers, wipes, formula, boxes of cereal, tubs of baby food, and so on. And it's a LOT of dollars!

I could go on, listing a million more examples of how my life has radically changed since becoming a mother. Some of the changes are great fun (raspberry-type kisses on my cheek, my son's delighted face to see me in the mornings), and of course, some are not so fun (the 5-ish hours of sleep I average per night).

But today is the first time in my life I get to celebrate being a mother on Mother's Day. There is nothing like it in the world, and no amount of sleep or great clothes or free time could ever compare to it. I wouldn't go back to my former life for anything.

Thank you, Father, for my babies. May I always be grateful, even in the hardest moments of mommyhood!

Somewhere in my youth or childhood...

I must have done something good.

(And now you'll hate me for putting that tune in your head.)

I must have, because my parents are coming down tomorrow for a long weekend visit, and they're sending me and Marty off to go have time to ourselves for a couple days!!! It took us all of 5 minutes to decide to go to Asheville and spend some quality time here:

The Biltmore Estate is one of our favorite places in the world, not only because the house is so magnificent, but also because they're constantly offering new exhibits and changing up displays, especially seasonally (and spring is just glorious there). In addition, Deer Park restaurant is on the Estate grounds and they have a famous Sunday morning brunch, which we've enjoyed many times, including on the first day of our honeymoon. The mountains, the flowers, the ambience, the food, the beauty of it all!

Marty and I also have several favorite haunts in Asheville that we're going to visit, too. Not that we'll be constantly on the go -- oh heavens, no. Because neither of us has had an uninterrupted night's sleep since...???...we're going to spend quality time snoozing, too. Just the thought of not having to drag myself out of bed in the middle of the night is enough to make me weep in joy!

Puppy just loves his Nana and Pa-Pa and I'm sure they'll have a marvelous time (and I'm equally sure my mom will get Will to sleep through the night for her -- mark my words -- she has a way with these things!). I will probably obsess for a few minutes here and there over how Puppy is doing, but I think I'm just tired enough and need this enough to be okay with being absent from him for 48 hours or so.

So thank you, Mom and Dad, for offering to spend the weekend with Will so we can get away! I must have been a good kid, because "nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could..."

Asheville and SLEEP, here we come! Yee-haw!

Lots more random

Because I'm so sleep-deprived (see random bullet #1 below), I've apparently been stripped of all ability to write in coherent posts or even paragraphs for that matter. So random is what you get.

• BAD. My child refuses to sleep through the night. And is now getting up every 2-4 hours, just like he's a newborn again. It is killing me and Marty, even though we take turns. We are trying everything we can think of and we are taking suggestions, too. Basically, Will is in the throes of teething (his 2 bottom teeth are almost completely "there" now and he will move his jaw like he's chewing gum at many points during the day, like there's more gum activity going on and it's driving him batty) and I think it's just messing up his sleep cycles and restfulness altogether. New technique to try for tonight: cereal right before bedtime. Puppy refuses to take a bottle at bedtime but I haven't really ever seen him turn down actual food. Also, per my mom's suggestion, a jar of meat (ICK) at dinner. Has anyone else gone through this? Do you have any help to offer two very exhausted parents?
• GOOD. My amazing husband has insisted that we go ahead and buy the desk I've lusted after for over a year from Pottery Barn. Marty says I've "had to hodge-podge it long enough" and I certainly deserve a "real" desk after all the months of pregnancy I've gone through. He's even hinted at more presents, per the children contribution I have made (hmm...maybe I will have more kids after this!). So we ordered her last night. Here she is:
  I didn't get the hutch/organizer thingey on top, nor the chair. I'm opting instead for a slipcovered Parsons chair from Ballard Designs. Oh yeah, I get to order that, too!
• INSANELY COOL. My friend Mary won second place for her "Paranormal Romance" novel in the Chicago-North Romance Writers of America 12th Annual Fire and Ice Contest. I am simultaneously ridiculously proud and ridiculously jealous. Mary hopes to get her novel published and I'm certain that this award will open plenty of doors for her; fingers crossed, my friend!!! You rock my world (and give me hope that, like you, I can be a mom of 2 kiddos AND be a writer)!!!
• GETTING THERE. Once upon a time (in December), this girl and her Hubby and Baby Boy moved from a 3-story townhouse to a loft apartment (downsizing by 1 bedroom and 1.5 baths, and also losing a very large storage room). A lot of things went to a storage unit, but a lot of things (too many things) came to the loft. Just before Moving Day, this girl and her Hubby discovered that Baby Girl was on her way. Ultimately, this girl helped move in some boxes, cleaned a countertop or two, then promptly collapsed into bed with "The Illness" that claimed the next 2 months of her life. During this time, Hubby took over primary care of Baby Boy while this girl attempted to nourish herself and Baby Girl (rather unsuccessfully at many times). Nothing got accomplished and many things went undone. We were in survival mode. Around the beginning of March, this girl began to emerge from "The Illness," looked around at the mess and the unpacked boxes, and almost went BACK to bed in defeat. Instead, this girl somehow managed to find the courage to promise to herself to do at least a little bit each day until it got done and the loft was not only liveable, but decorated and clean and comfortable and cozy -- and ready for its 4th occupant come August! What has transpired in the 2 months since that time has been countless hours of very hard work: lots of purging, lots of organizing, lots re-thinking and re-organizing. And I am proud to say that we are almost there. Almost. I wanted to take a break from the loft last weekend but our plans fell through, so I ended up doing even more, and I'm now within just a few hours of finishing. And because I want to be accountable to a deadline of some kind, I am hereby promising to post pictures when all is complete. My desk needs to be delivered, we need to make a couple more storage unit and Goodwill runs, and a big, final clean needs to happen before then, but I promise, I shall post pictures of the finished product, hopefully in the next month or two. Wait for it.
• UPDATE. We will be having our follow-up to the follow-up ultrasound on May 13th. Please say a prayer with us that Lucy's heart is perfectly visible to this doctor. We would very much appreciate it.
• RANT. Why did baby clothing manufacturers decide that if a baby is over 20 pounds, he is no longer entitled to go to bed in sleepers anymore? (Yeah, I'm talking to you, Carter's.) Personally, I think as long as a baby is still in diapers, a onesie-type shirt with pants or what-have-you is more appropriate than 2 pieces, whether it be play clothes or sleeping clothes. We have a few 2-piece pajama sets but I end up using a plain white onesie with the pajama pants because otherwise, Will ends up sleeping with his tee shirt rumpled up under his arms! So I've been on the hunt for larger-sized (12, 18, 24-month) sleepers and have only found moderately expensive and very expensive brands. The former is Hanna Andersson, and we just ordered 2 sleepers at $25 each from there. I choked on the price a bit, but not nearly as much as when I bought sleepers in the latter brand category (very expensive). That would be you, Kissy Kissy. The children's boutique just a few doors down from us sells this line, and I coughed up the money for a couple of these sleepers (starting at $33 apiece!), but then immediately began looking for alternatives. And I'm still not finding anything cheaper than Hanna Andersson. Does anybody know of any other brands that offer sleepers in larger sizes?
• OTHER. You know, I had other random items floating around in my head but I'm just going to stop here because my brain hurts from the sleeplessness. Please leave a comment if you have any helpful hints to offer on any of the above!

Dear J.Crew,

I was so happy at lunchtime when my Hubby dropped your April catalog onto my desk. Although I can't always afford you, you tend to at least give me great ideas to copy at Target and TJ Maxx. Sometimes I even want your things so bad I actually buy. But oh, not today.

You see, right now I'm...how shall I put this? Pleasantly plump. Granted, I have a 2-pound baby in my belly who only promises to get bigger, but my arms and thighs (and heaven help me, even my cheeks and chin) are also growing rounder and rounder by the day, it seems. Lately I've been thinking how I want to remedy this situation come September-ish when I'm allowed to exercise again. I've been inspired by my good friends Aimee and the Shabby Princess who have become runners extraordinaire. I mean, these girls run marathons and they look GREAT (don't let them tell you different). And my friend Aimee has had 3 kids, so I know that's no excuse! Anyway, here I am, busy planning my post-baby body and thinking how I'll reward myself with some new, cute, but as always for me, classic clothes.

And was I able to find something by that description within the pages of your April catalog? NAY. Lord have mercy, J.Crew, where has your marketing department gone? Did they all go to Mexico for spring break, leaving the interns in charge? Because that's what it looks like. First of all, your model is just irritating. Not in the "I'll never be as skinny/pretty as her" way, but in the "Somebody help this poor thing get dressed" way. The lopsided bun on her head? Not cute. Not sexy, not even in a romantic rumpled way. The styling? Help us all. I know someone thinks it's just adorable to pile on 80 shirts/sweaters/belts/necklaces with shorty-shorts to create an outfit (Mary Kate Olsen?) but I promise, 99% of your shoppers gagged when they saw this. Oh, and gardening in 4-inch wedges? It's just too much nonsense, people.

All of this to say, you have not helped me along on my road to a cute post-baby body. In fact, if your catalog is any indication of what I'll be expected to wear come then, I might just stay in maternity tent-tops for the rest of my life. No thank you.

Poor show, J.Crew, poor show. Please do better next time. (You appear ready for redemption with the Perfect-Fit tees and cute rosette sandals. Keep going with ideas like this.)

Sincerely,
Becky
(p.s. Also, please stop sending me emails promising "Free Shipping!" if I spend just a mere $150. In case you hadn't heard, our economy is in the toilet and I hesitate dropping $150 at the freaking grocery store. Please grow a brain on this point. Thanks!)

Random

• I just sprayed a glob of whipped cream on top of my coffee. Why? Because I can.
• It's undeniable. My kid loves Barney. I used to HATE Barney during my babysitting years, when the girls I took care of would request their Barney videos over and over again. Now my kid loves him. I mean, LOVES him. Especially when he sings. I guess Barney is going to follow me through life, so I'd better just get used to him?
• I can't stand the folks who live above us (we live in a 3-story building of loft apartments and retail spaces converted from an old furniture warehouse). That sounds very unkind, but seriously, they vacuum their hardwood floors. It makes a horrific sound (not to mention I can just feel the damage they are doing to the original wood floors!). In addition, they like to run up and down their hallways at all manner of hours, many times after midnight. HELLO, I have a sleeping baby down here! Go to bed, people!
• I need some good book recommendations. I want a book that will blow my socks off! I've read far too many mediocre books of late. Can anyone help me with this?
• I just KNEW the Project Runway judges would pick Seth Aaron to win. This happens to me every time...one of my favorites will inevitably make it to Bryant Park/Fashion Week (in this case, Emilio) but my favorite NEVER wins. It's starting to get old and the judges are starting to be far too predictable; they will always go with the most outrageous collection. Emilio's was by far the most commercial, and I understand his viewpoint of designing his collection to actually sell the clothes, not just show his artistry. But if we're talking artistry, he should have won based on this gown alone! The way it moved with the model -- just breathtaking! At least I have hope for Emilio's career -- another favorite of mine, Carol Hannah from last season, just launched her line of wedding dresses, and they are gorgeous. I hope she makes a mint!
• Is there anything better than sitting down for a snack with a bag of pretzel rods and a jar of Nutella? (Can you tell I'm pregnant?)
• Is everyone else just as tired of seeing Kate Gosselin everywhere but with her kids? And is everyone else just as tired of being given minute details of Tiger Woods' life as if it were news? And is everyone else on royal watch with me? All these rumors of Prince William getting engaged are really getting me excited for the possibility of a ROYAL WEDDING!!! (Who else had Princess Diana paper dolls when they were kids? My sister Katie and I played with ours until the edges of the paper frayed...)
• Lucy's monogrammed newborn sleeping gown came in a couple days ago and her Shabby Chic bedding came in today. I'm so excited. Is it August yet?

Those are all my random thoughts for now. What are you thinking about today?

And the winner is...

Ashley was the 5th to sign up, so CONGRATULATIONS on your "I love lavender" win! Ashley, please send me your postal address at domesticblissb@gmail.com. As soon as I have it, I'm sticking the package in the mail! (p.s. -- I'm really glad you won; I know you've been having a tough week or two...)

For the rest of my readers, don't give up...I found something -- a must-have -- the other day and I'm considering doing another giveaway quite soon (What? Has she gone giveaway-crazy?). Yes, I might have. It's too much fun.

Happy Friday, everyone! I might do another post later. Feeling chatty today.

This Mama's heart

is worried about her baby girl's heart.

We had our follow-up ultrasound last week to finish the routine fetal anatomy scan that Lucy failed initially because she was in the vertex position and proved quite difficult to see. With this scan, the tech told us that Lucy is breech and was much easier to see. The tech showed us many things this time we hadn't seen last time, and Lucy was a mover and a shaker as usual. She was bent up like a pretzel with her feet dangling over her head so she could play with her toes -- I smiled and smiled like a goofball because it was just so darned cute. She also showed us how well she's doing with her sucking practice; this little girl is going to come out hungry and rarin' to go on Mama-milk! The tech also confirmed (again) that she is indeed a little girl (thank God, because I've spent half a fortune cleaning up on clearance racks and in the TJ Maxx aisles to outfit this child in pink and florals and frills!).

We were having a great time in the ultrasound until the doctor came in to do his consultation with us. Right away I didn't like him. And I'm weird about my instincts with people...as in, I'm usually spot-on so I trust my instincts! The doctor told us that despite this second ultrasound, they still can't see Lucy's aortic arch. I asked why they couldn't see it and got the abundantly helpful answer of "For any number of reasons." Marty then asked if, by not seeing it, this was some kind of problem? The doctor answered, "No, it's no problem, we just can't see it." I think we both felt a little relief, but then the doctor said, "But we couldn't fix anything anyway until after she's born." HUH??? I can't describe how difficult it was to get this man to give us a straight answer. The one takeaway that was clear was that he wanted us to talk to Dr. Pickler about the situation and get her opinion on what to do going forward. I thought to myself, "You better believe I'm talking to Dr. Pickler, buddy, because you're just plain weird and I'm not trusting a word that has come out of your mouth."

So yesterday I had my 24-week appointment with Dr. Pickler and we discussed the situation at length. She carefully reviewed the ultrasound findings and assured us that we are not her first patients to express consternation over the vagueness of the consulting doctor. We asked her very similar questions to what we'd asked the consulting doctor, and this time we got straight answers. The aortic arch is on the fetal anatomy ultrasound checklist for a reason; this piece of anatomy is a good indicator of the baby's overall cardiac functioning. They need to see blood flowing in and out of it, because the aortic arch is key to oxygenating the blood as it comes from the lungs and is distributed to the rest of the body (at least, that's what I understand from one conversation!). Basically, they need to see it so they can rule out any cardiac problems. And they can't see Lucy's, even after 4 attempts (by 2 sonographers and 2 consulting doctors). I asked Dr. Pickler what would happen if we didn't see the aortic arch before Lucy's birth and there was in fact a problem with it. She said, "Well, we'd have an infant in cardiac distress within the first 12 hours of life." I think you can imagine how my stomach plummeted at that statement. I said, "Well we need to see it before she's born then!" And Dr. Pickler was in 100% agreement with us on this...she doesn't want any surprises, just like we don't want any surprises. I mean, if there's a problem, let's be aware of it and have a team of pediatric specialists on-hand! Heck, I'll deliver in the best hospital with the best cardiac NICU doctors in the world if it comes to that. But we need to KNOW. So we're going to keep looking until Miss Lucy shows us her stuff, good or bad. My doctor's office is scheduling another ultrasound, this time at another practice with a different doctor, who has a stellar reputation among colleagues and patients, according to Dr. Pickler. We are excited to see him and we have extremely high hopes that he will see Lucy's aortic arch right off the bat and confirm that all is well. Otherwise, that he'll see it, diagnose the problem, and get the ball rolling toward our next step of action toward planning a safe birth and whatever follow-up procedure(s) Lucy will need.

I would like to ask you, my friends, for prayer on this matter. The good thing is, Lucy is completely safe as long as she's in my belly. She doesn't need to use her aortic arch (in its full capacity) just yet because she's not breathing oxygen. In fact, her movements and her consistently good heart rate indicate that Lucy is a very happy baby, so she's golden for now. But we have an unknown lying in our path, and the unknowns are always the worst. I'm trying not to fret and be thankful that we're making steps to get to the bottom of this, one way or the other. I also take comfort in the fact that God has planned this little girl from the beginning of time for a very special purpose, and that He will fulfill this purpose in her no matter what. I don't have to carry this burden because God is doing it for me. He knows the outcome and I just have to trust Him along the journey.

I hope I don't sound too morose about this, because we still have an extremely good chance of hearing the good news that Lucy is perfectly healthy. This is my prayer! If you think about it, would you pray with us for this outcome? Thank you, friends.